only if we run a train.
done.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
