She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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