but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
