Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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