What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
