Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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