I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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