She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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