does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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