After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
