so explain again why im purple
no
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
