FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Houston, we have a blender
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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