i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
