fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
