I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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