I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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