Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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