do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Randomize
