ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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