Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
