I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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