Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
