Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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