he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
