My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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