I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
love makes seman taste better
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
