what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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