I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
