My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
