I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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