He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
