I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
