Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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