we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
