these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
