I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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