Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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