I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
