so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
