I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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