It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
