Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
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