she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
