I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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