Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
