I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
