I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dear god my vagina.
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