my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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