I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
