high people should be assigned attendants
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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