You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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