Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
