Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
